Live In The Past
by twerri02
Summary: Elena chose Stefan, Alaric is gone and Damon is left alone. All he has now is his past which somehow makes itself known.


**LIGHTING LANTERNS AND CRUMBLING CRYPTS **

**Nickleback - Photograph**

**Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye.  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye.**

* * *

**A/N: Recognised words don't belong to me as they belong to the lovely writers of the TVD.**

"Lanterns? They're lighting lanterns" I scoffed, swigging back another gulp of the bourbon I had been nursing for the past half an hour "Children, that's what they are!" I spat out, each word suppressed with the venom to highlight my disgust and disapproval.

My dark glare fell onto the useless lump of rock;

**ALARIC SALTZMAN**

**HE WAS LOVED**

**2/4/1976 **

…and that was it.

The sight of the feeble words strengthened my abhorrence and I slugged down more of the drink as I tore myself away from the ground and away from the place where my f – where Ric was buried.

Now, I stood before the grave, my hands stretched out in helplessness as I continued my drunken rambling. "Foolishly thinking that lighting a candle is going to make everything better and that after throwing those lanterns up in the air, their memories and their grief will just go away…" I grimaced at how my voice cracked at the end when my volume died down in realisation.

The reminder had me languidly craning my head to the side and peering at the other side of the forest. "Silly, thoughtless little children" I murmured and without knowing what I was doing, I was stumbling towards the brink of the towering trees. "What difference does it make?" I whispered numbly and broke through and landed before the large opened clearing.

The moonlight streamed silvery rays down onto the shadowed grass. I used to make sure that it was well-kept and that the grass wouldn't grow too long. Sadly, I had abandoned it for a few years while trying to find Katherine which then left it overgrown with weeds and a few wild flowers.

It had actually been my first and primal intention when coming back to Mystic Falls. After witnessing the crumbled rock, I had decided to replace it with a finely shaped granite gravestone. I even went all out in getting a golden plaque which held not only her name and birthday, but also a quote from her favourite book that perfectly surmised her.

**ISABELLA MARIE**

**19-09-1846**

**"She burned too bright for this world"**

_Too bright for this world…_

My fixated stare on the engraved words only enhanced my anger and past emotions of pain and regret, causing me to gulp nervously and for the glass bottle to slip from my hands. "Because in the end, when you lose somebody; every candle, every prayer isn't going to make up for the fact that all you're left with is a hole in your life where that person…" I paused and collapsed onto the gravestone, fighting back angered tears. "…that person that you cared about - used to be" I whispered, reaching up to hold the edge of the tombstone, bracing myself onto the rock and sighing deeply.

Stefan had obviously visited not so long ago because there was a small bouquet of red hibiscus. My freesia bouquet was now wilting and the petals were withering away. The stench of death being revived as a reminder which only infuriated me further.

Leaning back, I blinked rapidly and dropped my hands down onto my thighs, my legs now tucked beneath me as I inhaled once again, becoming stagnant as the overwhelming emotions were pushed back again. "Well that and a rock which is supposed to define you in what – three words?" I added with a dry, humourless laugh.

Three words?

She was so much more than those words and she didn't deserve to be six feet under while I lived through a life without her light; without her smile; her big chocolate-brown eyes; her laugh…just – she…

Isabella didn't deserve this.

**-FLASHBACK-**

**My hands continued to furiously dig into the dampened earth as I raked, grasping handfuls of dirt and pulling back and then shaking it off. This was the continued rhythm, never faltering as I continued to try and create a hole that would be big enough to fit her whole form.**

**"Damon-"**

**The sound of my brother's annoying incessant voice enraged the flames that already blazed with his presence. I then, used one hand to reach behind me and push him away.**

**Regardless of the pelting rain all but blinding me and beating me down, my hands only gained speed, never tiring with the need of finishing the deed. It was the easiest thing for me to think about at the moment so I could not help but focus my mind onto the task at hand.**

**Once I was sure that it was a good size, I fell back, pushing my hands through my hair and helplessly looking up at the sky. Heavy breaths trembling through my quivering lips and my deadened heart left a hollow pit within my chest, leaving me with a strange emptiness that I was sure could never be filled.**

**I could not hold it off for a second longer.**

**Pushing myself up from the ground, I turned around but froze at the sight before me.**

**Setting my jaw and hardening my glare, I wiped my dirtied hands away on my britches and walked away from him, purposefully pushing him with my shoulder. "I never want to speak to you again" I growled, hating that he was following me. "From this moment on, you are dead to me!" I exclaimed and stopped when his hand grasped my arm, pulling me back.**

**Pleading eyes met mine, filled with contrition. "You know that I did not mean..."**

**"Go!" I screamed at him, pushing at his chest and satisfied when he crashed down onto the ground. Right now, the last thing I wanted to do was offer him a peace of mind, for there was no peace left in me to give.**

**An angered growl left me as I ran back towards the worn out cabin and kicked the door open. Like a wild animal, a feral snarl rumbled in my chest as I stumbled in, my foot having caught onto the small step.**

**My rushed footsteps were slowed at the sight of the white dress.**

**With the broken window on the far wall, the moon emitted luminous silver rays and landed directly on the young woman laid onto the old, dusty table.**

**I gulped resoundingly when taking a step towards her.**

**A shaky gasp left me when my gaze roamed over her pale features. Her complexion was now ash, rather than the striking pearl. The once rich mahogany locks that used to be gentle waves styled to perfection, was now matted and lacklustre.**

**My fingers traced her sickly blue lips while I wished for the return of her dark pink colour that greatly contrasted with her pastel features. Now, they were bloodied, reminding me of my foolishness when trying to force my blood into her weakened system.**

**I continued upwards, caressing her cold skin and moving up to rest my hand on her cheeks as I imagined her lips quirking up into a small smile while blood flushed her skin in such a delicious manner. Gentle strokes trailed towards her closed lids and shakily tracing her thick eyelashes before moving to her cheek again and cradling her head.**

**My other hand moved down to the back of her knees. With one gentle lift, I pulled her frail body onto my chest while wishing that she could wrap her arms around me like she used to. I wanted her to snap her eyes open and stare up at me with that light livening her gaze as she smirked and nibbled my ear. Sometimes, she would even whisper sweet nothing in my ear with the intention of making me shiver under her heated breath.**

**All these memories continued to replay and somehow strengthened me, leading me towards the doorway and helping me down the hill and towards the hole I had prepared for her.**

**When I zoned onto the discarded shovel and the broken coffin, my thoughts faltered and my hold on her loosened. This only made me focus my mind on reminiscing about her again.**

**_Her smile…her eyes…her skin…her taste…her voice…her light…_**

**My knees finally gave in and I landed before the coffin. The wood was cracked and the hinges would not hold but I vowed to her silently that it was only for a while. It was all I could find in such a short time.**

**My movements shifted when cradling her gently and lowering her limp form into the small space. A strangled sob left me when seeing her numb, cold and d- lifeless body squeezed into the confinement. She was never one for small spaces and hated**

**Another cry broke through the silence and I whipped around, glaring at my coward of a brother. He was now hidden behind the trees, shrouded within the shadows but rather than meeting my stare, he was focused onto the coffin. Tears streaming down his cheeks and his hand covering his mouth as he tried to swallow down more cries.**

**Seeing his broken state made it all the more real.**

**She really was gone.**

**-FLASHBACK END-**

"I'm still here"

The memory was broken and reality snapped my eyes open; my body ran cold and numb and my very existence questioned with the bells-like chime coming from behind me. I revelled into the gentle voice and the past that it brought back and being relived within my mind.

"I'm still here" she repeated with an increase in volume, foolishly assuming that I hadn't heard her. A voice that I thought would have been lost forever was now only a few feet away from me.

Not wanting to waste another second, I whipped around, now standing my ground as my eyes landed onto the living, breathing ghost that was now standing before me.

She was still here…


End file.
